Because bicyclists were breaking everything BUT fingers...

Brass knuckles on handlebars, what a capital idea.


What a waste. You know, some people don't even have fingers to throw away!

*Thanks to Sacha for the heads up.

via boingboing

Oh Doctor Zizmor, you crazy.

Gothamist just posted an absurdly long interview with everybody's favorite Subway ad dermatologist, Dr. Jonathan Zizmor.

I especially like the part where they ask him his favorite subway ad:

"There was a guy who did an ad for braces. It was a long one and he told in that ad everything you wanted to know about braces. And they showed four or five panels and it really explained to you how braces worked. It ran for a really long time. I thought it was a great ad."

I bet you did, Dr. Zizmor.

The tale of an impressionable youth and a limited edition e-reader.

My first high school job was as a library page.

It was the perfect job for a shy, nerdy sophomore. For those unfamiliar with library lingo the page is that teenager/retired octogenarian you see wandering the stacks re-shelving carts filled with grimy books. I came across plenty of interesting books and I would often stop to read a few pages here and there.

This literary exploration had a lasting impact on my impressionable, still only slightly-jaded mind. But for all the Isaac Asimov, Kurt Vonnegut and Don DeLillo on the cart it always seemed like the overwhelming majority of books were written by maudlin romance novelist Danielle Steel.

Danielle Steel hardcovers, with their sweaty, pastel pink covers and gold-embossed lettering... It was seeing these same books returned day after day that began my longstanding disdain for the general public and their poor taste in ... well ... most things.

So anyway, Sony is coming out with a limited-edition Danielle Steel e-reader. It's disturbingly blood-red and it comes with a "custom embossed Danielle Steel book cover", whatever the hell that is.

But now what will the library do with five stacks of unread Danielle Steel? They'll have to fill in the gaps with Sue Grafton, I suppose. "J" is for Just end it already, Sue Grafton.

Let me just turn on this lamp and ... OH! OH GOD, NO!

Designer Daan van den Berg "infects" ordinary objects (in this case, an IKEA Lampan lamp) with a digital version of the elephantiasis virus, causing globular deformities, cracks, and bulbous pustules. He then uses a 3D printer to "print" the resulting monstrosity:




Well isn't that pleasant.

nextnature via boingboing

Remember these from SimCity 2000?

Imagine a dystopian city of the future. What do you see? If you're like most science fiction writers over the past 75 years, you probably imagine towering skyscrapers that block out the sun while the poor struggle to survive in the polluted slums of the shadows beneath the towering canopy.

Well, now one architect has decided to make this horrifying vision a reality! Hurrah for blind progress!


Visit Inhabitat for more details on this ill-conceived design, part of the 2009 eVolo Skyscraper competition.

At least maybe now we'll finally get our flying cars. I was promised flying cars.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Beer lovers have a myriad of different gadgets for looking like a complete jackass while drinking; liquor enthusiasts have novelty shot glasses. Wine drinkers, however, have the unfortunate distinction of looking consistantly refined and dignified. Even a wino drinking out of a paper bag exudes a certain gritty, old-world charm. So what is a tasteless wine connoisseur to do?

How about an unwieldy balloon bladder that pisses wine into a melted glass reservoir?

According to makers Kyouei Design, "it is a glass for drinking a lot."

You mean like a bottle? And speaking of bottles, is it really that difficult to just refill your stupid wine glass? And how are you supposed to hold this thing? A bottle of wine is pretty heavy; wouldn't it crack at the stem as soon as it was tilted? And if by some miracle you make it through an entire glass without the thing shattering in your hands, how are you supposed to clean it out?

And it doesn't even look nice! Winos, stick to the bottle - it's tried and true and it doesn't make you look like some sort of vampire clown.

via trendsnow

Don't let it bite you, Peter Parker.

Oh, illuminated lawn ornaments...

I will never understand the compulsion some people have to plop enormous, illuminated santa balloons on their lawns year after year (nobody likes your 50-foot blow up santa!) But at least holiday blow up toys are seasonal. This light up squirrel is designed for year-round lawn tackiness:

I appreciate their environmental awareness but couldn't the "designers" have found a more asthetically-pleasing way to mount the solar panels rather than making it look like ... well...

Forget it - it's a $55 radioactive squirrel. I can't take this seriously.

product page via nerdapproved

Mona Lisa meets Elephant Man meets Ernie.

Austrian artist collective Getlin (Wolfgang Gantner, Ali Janka, Florian Reither and Tobias Urban) has raped the poor Mona Lisa in order to create what is quite possibly the ugliest collection of paintings the world has ever seen. Here's just a few of the most offensive; you can visit their site for more if you're feeling especially masochistic.

Warning, the following "paintings" are not for the faint of taste:

via designboom

Thankfully, the bad stuff can sometimes be difficult to find.

I've been too busy this week to sniff out bad design (or do much of anything other than work and watch old episodes of nerdy sci-fi shows) but on the plus side I did stumble across the work of this amazing Brazilian artist. His name is Henrique Oliviera, and he is currently exhibiting at Rice Art Gallery in Houston, Texas.

So if you find yourself in Houston for some ungodly reason between now and May 9th go check it out. Here's a few examples of his work:

Well, it's certainly different...

UK firm Moxon Architects have been granted permission to build their design for a 40,000 square foot office building known as '163 PRS / olivers place' in Prestons, England.

The otherwise dull, square office building is covered in anodised aluminum fins, giving it the appearance of a scared and rather unfriendly-looking porcupine.

And if you think it's ugly now, just think of how much worse this building is going to look in thirty years' time...

"A hedgehog? What were they thinking back then, Papa?"

"I don't know, son ... the oughts weren't a good decade for architecture. Just look at that circus out in the Emirates."

"Oh yeah - Dubai is fucking ridiculous."

"Son, don't swear! We don't say Dubai in this house."

I wonder how long it'll be before those fins start to fall off.

*all images courtesy of Moxon Architects

via designboom

Try putting one of these in your baby snuggie.

Oh my god. Oh my freaking god.

Run now, before it's too late.

dvice via botjunkie

I think maybe she's letting the Oscar go to her neck.

Did you know that giraffes have a black tongue? I learned that from Salute Your Shorts. Giraffes also have an advanced circulatory system; a giraffe's heart can weigh up to 22 lbs and must pump twice the normal amount of blood pressure in order to maintain circulation to the brain. At an average of 1.9 hours a day, they also have one of the shortest sleeping requirements of any mammal.

The evolution of the giraffe's long neck is subject to debate. The traditional theory is that this would have allowed them a competitive advantage in reaching foilage beyond the reach of other grazing mammals. An alternative theory proposes that long necks evolved as a secondary sexual characteristic; a sort of one up manship in the fierce courting ritual of "necking" contests to establish dominance and gain access to prized mates.

So what is Penelope Cruz's excuse?

via psd

What, no Bluetooth?

Some sicko on Instructables has posted a detailed guide on how to make your very own "Mouse Mouse."



That's right, it's a mouse stuffed inside a mouse carcass.

"Mouse Mouse" ... I get it.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah...

It's nice to see the art of taxidermy keeping up with the modern age.

*thanks to Sacha for the link

So much depends upon a red coffee table.

Zaha Hadid is one of the most celebrated architects in the modern world. She has designed deconstructivist masterpieces like ... er ... well there was that ski jump, and uh ... wasn't there a fire station in Germany somewhere?...

All right, well even though hardly anything she's designed has actually been built she's still won plenty of awards for her pretty pictures including the field of architecture's highest honor, the Pritzker Prize.

Now she's gone and designed this ugly red coffee table:

It's shiny. It's plastic. It's bright, primary red. And it's fucking tilted.

I'd hate to see the apartment where something like this would belong; in my nightmares I picture gleaming white walls covered in Keith Haring prints.

Maybe she should stick to paper. And ski jumps.

via 3rings

Did I mention they're $399?

The Sealpelt designed by Icelandic Vík Prjónsdóttir sees your Snuggie and raises you what's left of your dignity. I hope you're warm now, jackass.

Grimace ate Jena Malone

via trendsnow

You're gonna need a bigger cup-holder.

Okay, I'm getting sick of people putting stupid shit in their cars. Remember 'Pimp My Ride'? "Yo dawg, we heard you like cooking, so we turned your perfectly serviceable Ford Focus into a ridiculous, stainless steel fucking kitchen!" Gee thanks, Xzihibitzzxxizz!

Is that show still on the air? Who am I kidding, MTV doesn't cancel shows. It's a black hole of programming that survives on a revolving door demographic of bad, adolescent taste.

In a similar vein, here's a crock pot designed to be used in a car:

Driving while cooking. Nothing can go wrong with this idea.

I guess it might be useful for camping (which they don't even mention on the product page) but really, you'd better off buying a real crock pot and just using a car adapter. Then at least you could actually use the stupid thing where you might actually need it. You know, like in a kitchen?

On the subject of stupid shit in cars, why don't cars have electrical outlets? For fuck's sake, it's 2009! Why are people still plugging cell phone and ipod chargers into cigarette lighters?!

I'm so glad I don't have to drive anymore.

via nerdapproved

Watch out for Professor Moriarty.

It's a slow day. Everything I've seen looks useful, tasteful, and generally well thought-out. Crazy, right?

Must be some sort of post-April Fools lull.

In a pinch, however, you can always turn to Japan...

It's a keyboard duster. In the shape of a gun. With a little pink brush.

How quaint.

Who the hell dusts their keyboard, anyway? Aren't they self-dusting? Isn't that sort of like cleaning out a tea kettle or washing an umbrella? Maybe the Japanese are just more anal about their cleanliness of their electronics.

I hear they have holodecks over there, now.

Japan

via rinkya

Think Kanye will hawk these ones, too?

Kudos to Sacha for finding this one. I wish it was an April Fool's joke, oh god do I wish...

In the latest, outrageous example of hipster "avant-garde eyewear", a Baltimore-based start up introduces what are essentially wooden blindfolds with coinslots that they call "Slanties". Slanties?! C'mon guys, that's not even subtle - that's just outright racist. What's next, Kike Noses? Nigga Wigs? Towelhead ... um... towels?

They claim the design is based off of "ancient Inuit eyewear".

that's going to be one hilarious tan line

The inuits also built houses out of ice. Just saying.

If you plan to sacrifice function for form, then the design had better look damn good. Derogatory wooden coinslot facemasks? Not so much.

Anyway, I guess they might be valuable to middle school health teachers to use during their anti-smoking lessons. "This is what it's like when you have cataracts. Not fun, is it?"

No. No it isn't, Mrs. K. Not fun at all. And I look like a total douche.

Did I mention they were 75 fucking dollars?

productpage

If you squint, it looks sort of like Homer Simpson.

Danish designer Ole Jensen may have surpassed Jason Miller in the race to design the world's ugliest chair.


It's like a giant brain with erect, nubby nipple arms.

Jensen claims it was not designed with style or function in mind (we could tell), but memory: "we all have special objects that refresh memories – things that have a meaning and create the pleasure of recognition".

Uh huh. Okay. So what does that have to do with this hideous, nipplebrain chair?


Reminds me of a very bad dream I once had ... I won't go into details.

via designboom

Quick! Somebody shoot it!

Oh for the love of god ... it's a fucking baby snuggie.

No. Just no. Babies are creepy enough as it is.

via dailyintel

Legend of Zelda, a cuffLink to the past.

There are gamers and there is formal wear and never the twain shall meet.

...or shall they?

Is there really a market for this junk? The tawdry tie market can survive on science teachers alone, but when was the last time you saw a science teacher wearing a tuxedo? The only people who wear cufflinks are grooms, politicians, royalty and James Bond. Do you think any of them would wear a wii-mote on their cuff?

If I wasn't at work, there would be a picture of James Bond wearing a guitar hero cufflink. Just pretend it's here and laugh accordingly.

via technabob

Some countries just don't get it.

Bad Russia! Bad!

via adsoftheworld