The tale of an impressionable youth and a limited edition e-reader.

My first high school job was as a library page.

It was the perfect job for a shy, nerdy sophomore. For those unfamiliar with library lingo the page is that teenager/retired octogenarian you see wandering the stacks re-shelving carts filled with grimy books. I came across plenty of interesting books and I would often stop to read a few pages here and there.

This literary exploration had a lasting impact on my impressionable, still only slightly-jaded mind. But for all the Isaac Asimov, Kurt Vonnegut and Don DeLillo on the cart it always seemed like the overwhelming majority of books were written by maudlin romance novelist Danielle Steel.

Danielle Steel hardcovers, with their sweaty, pastel pink covers and gold-embossed lettering... It was seeing these same books returned day after day that began my longstanding disdain for the general public and their poor taste in ... well ... most things.

So anyway, Sony is coming out with a limited-edition Danielle Steel e-reader. It's disturbingly blood-red and it comes with a "custom embossed Danielle Steel book cover", whatever the hell that is.

But now what will the library do with five stacks of unread Danielle Steel? They'll have to fill in the gaps with Sue Grafton, I suppose. "J" is for Just end it already, Sue Grafton.

What, no Bluetooth?

Some sicko on Instructables has posted a detailed guide on how to make your very own "Mouse Mouse."



That's right, it's a mouse stuffed inside a mouse carcass.

"Mouse Mouse" ... I get it.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah...

It's nice to see the art of taxidermy keeping up with the modern age.

*thanks to Sacha for the link

You're gonna need a bigger cup-holder.

Okay, I'm getting sick of people putting stupid shit in their cars. Remember 'Pimp My Ride'? "Yo dawg, we heard you like cooking, so we turned your perfectly serviceable Ford Focus into a ridiculous, stainless steel fucking kitchen!" Gee thanks, Xzihibitzzxxizz!

Is that show still on the air? Who am I kidding, MTV doesn't cancel shows. It's a black hole of programming that survives on a revolving door demographic of bad, adolescent taste.

In a similar vein, here's a crock pot designed to be used in a car:

Driving while cooking. Nothing can go wrong with this idea.

I guess it might be useful for camping (which they don't even mention on the product page) but really, you'd better off buying a real crock pot and just using a car adapter. Then at least you could actually use the stupid thing where you might actually need it. You know, like in a kitchen?

On the subject of stupid shit in cars, why don't cars have electrical outlets? For fuck's sake, it's 2009! Why are people still plugging cell phone and ipod chargers into cigarette lighters?!

I'm so glad I don't have to drive anymore.

via nerdapproved

Watch out for Professor Moriarty.

It's a slow day. Everything I've seen looks useful, tasteful, and generally well thought-out. Crazy, right?

Must be some sort of post-April Fools lull.

In a pinch, however, you can always turn to Japan...

It's a keyboard duster. In the shape of a gun. With a little pink brush.

How quaint.

Who the hell dusts their keyboard, anyway? Aren't they self-dusting? Isn't that sort of like cleaning out a tea kettle or washing an umbrella? Maybe the Japanese are just more anal about their cleanliness of their electronics.

I hear they have holodecks over there, now.

Japan

via rinkya

Legend of Zelda, a cuffLink to the past.

There are gamers and there is formal wear and never the twain shall meet.

...or shall they?

Is there really a market for this junk? The tawdry tie market can survive on science teachers alone, but when was the last time you saw a science teacher wearing a tuxedo? The only people who wear cufflinks are grooms, politicians, royalty and James Bond. Do you think any of them would wear a wii-mote on their cuff?

If I wasn't at work, there would be a picture of James Bond wearing a guitar hero cufflink. Just pretend it's here and laugh accordingly.

via technabob

What's wrong with batteries?

What do you get when you combine the utterly mystifying Japanese sense of humor with the frivolity of USB gadgets?

This piece of crap (no pun intended).

It's sort of like a dancing Santa; only it somehow manages to be even more taste/useless. USB ports are meant for printers, mice, keyboards and data storage devices. Why anybody would occupy one of these precious slots with some worthless tchochke, I will never understand.

via crunchgear

The ears look ironically uncomfortable. In your ears.

Apparently, eggs aren't the end of Disney's most recent, absurd branding streak. Now they're making their own bedazzled, in-ear headphones!

Something about toddlers with iPods just weirds me out. And why do they need in-ear headphones? Are they jogging in the park? I mean, we're not suggesting that adults will buy these, are we?

Please tell me adults won't be buying these.

*kudos to Donald for the clip

via itechnews from rayout

Make your PSP even more useless.

Can somebody explain to me the point of this stupid thing? Seems like it would get a little frustrating to have a PSP wrapped around your arm when it came time to ... I don't know ... use it? Are you supposed to play it with one hand? I don't get it.

via Gizmodo

Deep down inside, aren't we all beautiful?

Risa sent me an interesting article from the New York Times about artist-turned-doctor Satra Stuelke. Stuelke CT scans ordinary objects like toys and gadgets and reveals a hidden world beneath the sleek, brushed aluminum surface. It's slightly off-topic but worth sharing, so whatever.

You can follow this link for the full article, here's an excerpt:

"When an object is scanned, the machine produces 200 to 500 image slices. Mr. Stuelke loads this data into a computer program that allows him to assign different colors to areas of different density. Mr. Stuelke’s results include a Barbie with flaming orange hair and articulated white leg bones; a skeletal iPhone with a dizzying array of connections that resemble a fantastical, tricked-out city; and a translucent wind-up bunny whose internal mechanisms are disturbingly reminiscent of a bomb."

who knew barbies had bones?

artists site via newyorktimes

Japan's creepy "fashion model robot".

Engineers from Japan's National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology have unveiled their new prototype 'gynoid', the HRP-4C "fashion model robot"...

...and have officially clinched the title of creepiest nerds on the effing planet. If you're working on a sexbot, fellas, just come out and say so.

And shouldn't a "fashion model robot" be able to walk without looking like a geriatric Parkinson's patient in ski-boots? Isn't that, you know... the only thing it should be able to do?

Creepy.

via designboom

Hello- ow! Son of a...

I'm all for the consolidation of gadgetry. Cell phone music players, cameras and internet browsers are all useful and consequent combinations. The Cool758, however...

It's a razor phone ... that's actually a razor! Get it?!

What else can we stick in a cell phone? How about a cell phone ear pick? Or a cell phone electric toothbrush? Or a cell phone blender?! Weeeeeeeeeeee!

product page via craziestgadgets

Dell Commander Adama.

I wanted to try and avoid blogging on web design (that's a whole other kettle of whale) but I was so frustrated by the Flashy product page for the new Dell Adamo that I had to comment.

Dell's Adamo is designed to compete directly with Apple's snazzilicious MacBook Air. In order to do this, their web site has eschewed all information and functionality in favor of beautiful models francing around in formal wear.




It's a miracle they even tell you the name of the product ("Adamo"? Pretty damn close to Adama ... are they trying to jump on the Battlestar Galactica nerdwagon?)


Is the Adamo itself any good? Maybe. Who knows? I can't even find product specifications. All I see on their web page is a heading with four ambiguous options:
Encounter (what, like an animal in the wild?)
Discover (isn't that just a synonym for encounter?)
Admire (well that's a bit narcissistic)
Commit (wait ... if I click it, have I bought one? I don't even know what I'm buying! Maybe I should 'admire' it a little more ... hey, what's up with this weird flickr photoset?)

You've missed the boat, Dell. Nobody wants your laptops anymore.

As if laser pointers needed to get any more annoying.

What's that? You need a light? Sure, let me just pull out my 2 in 1 Laser Pointer/Jet Lighter Machine Gun!


What does a lighter have anything to do with a laser pointer? Beats me, but doesn't it look totally rad and not at all dangerous? Check out these five different picture lenses including an Indian skull hand and a traditional poin- oh! Sorry pal, didn't mean to shine that laser in your eye! Don't worry, I'm sure the blindness is only temporary.

What? No, officer - it's not a real gun, it's just a totally awesome butane lighter/laser pointer! See? Check out these five different picture lens- ow! Son of a bitch he shot me!

productpage via nerdapproved

3rd Gen iPod Shuffle = useless aluminum box.

Apple has always been a harbinger of intuitive design; in their software, hardware, and the sleek, brushed aluminum casing to house it all. I mean, who doesn't love brushed aluminum?

They were the first major tech company to realize that all the features in the world are useless if:

A) They break down all the time, and...
B) Nobody can figure out how to use them

The 2nd Generation iPod Shuffle was a coup for an Apple at the top of their game. It was tiny, minimalistic, it held just enough music, and it was solid metal and freaking beautiful. Just look at this work of art:
Apple even offered free engraving on every model ordered online. Customization. Brilliant.

That is why their latest Shuffle model...

...is such a disappointment. How are we supposed to use this thing, Apple?!

The 2nd gen Shuffle had a simple, five-button interface. Play, pause, forward, back, volume up and down. It was universal, mechanical, quick and easy. Nobody was confused. And now you go and cram the controls into three miniscule buttons on the headphone wire? What?

Apple earbuds don't fit in my ears and I know I'm not the only person to have this problem. So how are we supposed to use this new shuffle, Apple? Did you even consider in your techno-xenophobic craze that people might at least want the option to use a pair of third-party headphones?

Soon, Apple will just pick all of our music for us. And that's a shame, because I don't really like Feist.

productpage